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Suspect Steals Gym Shoes, Headphone Jack, Candy Bar

Time:2017-06-12 14:14Shoes websites Click:

shoes Candy Suspect Jack steals

Clowning Around: Authorities are charging a 22-year-old woman after she made several calls to 911 reporting a suspicious clown sighting. (Unless you’re at a birthday party, every sighting of a clown is a suspicious clown sighting.) It didn’t turn out to be a scene from the movie It but instead a hoax by a woman with too much time on her frickin’ hands. Please, get a PS4 and learn about the game Destiny. You’ll thank me later.

Hit the Building: The cops apprehended a 27-year-old drunk driver who crashed into a building on South Kilbourne Road. Luckily there were no injuries, and we doubt the building needed any care. But the suspect may want to get used to a life of catching rides. That’s what happens with pesky buildings — they, like, never move.

Smellin’ Herb: Authorities arrested a 33-year-old man at a speeding checkpoint. Authorities reportedly smelled weed coming out of the car and conducted a search, finding primo herb, oxycodone pills and a gun. This would be one of those times that the Chappelle’s Show “O’Dweeds” skit would work perfectly: When the cops stop you, tell them what smells like weed is actually like non-alcoholic beer for pot smokers (well, actually that’s what Spice was and that didn’t work out too well).

Wrong House: Authorities arrested a 20-year-old man after he attempted to rob a home in north Columbia. The suspect reportedly entered a home occupied by a mother and son, armed with a gun. The plan didn’t work so well when the son grabbed a knife and stabbed the suspect, forcing him to flee the home. Cops found the suspect shortly after. The suspect will live, and he’s lucky he didn’t walk into a home with a NRA cardholder. When in doubt, don’t rob.

Motel Meth: Authorities arrested a 30-year-old woman at a hotel on Harbison Boulevard after discovering an arseload of drugs and paraphernalia in her room. The cops were alerted to the hotel for suspicious drug activity, and when they arrived to the room they found meth, cocaine, weed and a stolen gun (or what Rick James used to call “Tuesday”). I wonder if everything was all displayed like a trophy case.

Pack of Smokes: Authorities are looking for two unknown men who robbed a convenience store in north Columbia. The suspects were caught on surveillance footage breaking into the establishment by breaking the front door of the building. Once inside, the guys got away with cartons of cigarettes. Risking your freedom for some smokes is just as smart as selling your car so you can have gas money. No arrests have been made.

Candy Bar: Authorities were alerted to a car break-in at a home in northeast Columbia. The victim reportedly left his car unlocked and unknown suspect(s) got in and stole a pair of smelly gym shoes, an iPhone headphone jack and a candy bar. So, the victim is left barefoot, unable to hear music and hungry. Best day ever.

Tip of the Week: If you’re a kid, don’t be a frickin’ bully. You may end up getting smacked by someone’s mom. A 30-year-old woman is charged after allegedly grabbing and pinching a kid suspected to be bullying her son on a school bus. On one hand, it’s understandable for a mom to protect her kid, but on the other, let’s hope that it doesn’t hurt the son’s street cred at school that his mom came and went Deebo on a kid. When in doubt, find a place that gives tae kwon do lessons. But let me hush before the mom finds me. I don’t want any problems.


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