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11 GAMES INSPIRED BY TOP POP STARS

Time:2017-06-23 02:53Shoes websites Click:

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Pop... pop... pop music. Everybody's talking 'bout pop music... games! 

To me, pop stars always seem like awful people, apart from Adele who seems fairly normal even though she probably isn't. It's inevitable, I suppose. Being screamed at night after night by people who think you're a god would do funny things to anyone's brain.

I mean, every famous or semi-famous musician I've ever met - and upon reflection, I've met about three - has been a weird mix of arrogance and crippling insecurity. 

I once went to a party where the music was switched off so that some bloody woman and her boyfriend - who used to be in the band Reef - could get up and "jam". It wasn't so much an effort to entertain as it was an exercise in getting everyone to look at them. 

Next time I go to a party I know they're going to be at, I'm bringing a crow with me. When I'm confident that everyone is having a good time, I'm going to smash the sound system to pieces, tell them all to stop dancing and having their conversations and enjoying themselves, because my crow wants to spend two hours showing them how good it is at flapping its wings and making bird noises. 

Then I'm going to attach a length of twine to the bird's legs, and swing it hard into the faces of the Reef man and his girlfriend, and say: "THAT'S FOR RUINING MY EVENING ABOUT EIGHT YEARS AGO."

​Anyway. Here are 11 games inspired by top pop stars - the most important people in the world.

*NSYNC: GET TO THE SHOW (Game Boy Color)

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Do you remember the boyband *NYSNC? Among their many achievements, they blessed the world with the milky-white visage of Justin Trousersnake. Sadly, they split up in 2002, but not before the release of this: *NSYNC: Get to the Show.

Aimed at the band's predominantly young female audience, it placed players in the role of chauffeur and general dogsbody - attempting to fulfil every desire of the band members on the long journey to play a pop concert. Their whims would require you to manufacture hamburgers, or find a bowling alley so they could knock over some pins. And, of course, ensure that the boys get a good night's rest by silencing crying babies and noisy telephones.

Yes: essentially you would play the part of *NSYNC's slave. Which raises enormous questions about the passive servitude implicit in nature of the relationship between fans and pop stars. 

*NSTYNC more like.

FRANKIE GOES TO HOLLYWOOD (ZX Spectrum, Commodore 64, Amstrad)

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In the 1980s, Frankie Goes to Hollywood were pop music's very own "Dirtiest Boyz", with their outrageous lyrics and wanton homosexual lifestyle. Their videos featured S&M, simulated ejaculation, and ears being bitten off.

They also upset the Radio One DJ Mike Read with the words to their single Relax, which was subsequently banned by the BBC: "Relax don't do it/When you want to come/Come-oh oh oh...."

Although, to be honest, I never really understood from those lyrics whether I was meant to relax or not, which has led to a lifetime of confusion and sexual dysfunction.

Of course, none of this made it into Ocean's Frankie Goes to Hollywood game, which needed to be sanitised in order to be stocked by the family-friendly WH Smiths. Nevertheless, it became one of the more esoteric and ambitious games of the era.

"An animated strategy adventure played on several levels," is how some man who worked on the game once described it. It was a sort of point-and-click adventure, broken up with mini games that obliquely referenced Frankie lyrics (one was a shoot 'em up utilising charicatures of Mikhail Gorbachev and Margaret Thatcher)..

The player's character had to explore a mid-80s Liverpool, looking to accrue four attributes - Sex, War, Love and Faith - in order to become fully human, and gain access to the Pleasuredome. There's also a murder which needs solving. It was a weird, rather avant-garde, experience - certainly unlike anything else - and was resplendent in some typically excellent cover art from Ocean mainstay Bob Wakelin.

QUEEN: THE eYe (PC)

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Set in a future dystopia ruled over by a real bad computer, Queen: The eYe had you playing some feller called Dubroc (or, to those who knew him best, "Nub-cock").

Having discovered that the computer was trying to stop people having fun or listening to Queen or something, the hideously polygonised Dubroc sets out into a pre-rendered world full of puzzles and ugly pre-rendered cutscenes.

The Queen connection? It boasted a soundtrack comprised of instrumental versions of Queen songs, which - given that these were predominantly made up of crunching Brian May guitar riffs - seemed to do their upmost to sap atmosphere from an otherwise almost reasonable game.

So, no Freddie Mercury, but you did get voices provided by - incongruously - Avon, Servalan and Orac from Blake's 7.

JOURNEY ESCAPE (Atari 2600)

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