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The One Part of 'Love, Actually' We Should All Be Able to Agree is Garbage

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The One Part of 'Love, Actually' We Should All Be Able to Agree is Garbage

By Rebecca Pahle | Film Reviews | December 1, 2016 |

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It’s December 1st, which means it’s time to ignite our month-long Pajiba Civil War about that most divisive of Christmas movies: Love, Actually. Worry not, dear Pajibans, for we have some #content planned for you throughout the month—there may or may not be a post in the wings, except psych, there totally is, and spoiler alert: Andrew Lincoln is a garbage lay. But before the brother-against-brother gnashing of teeth and ripping of hair begins—and it will be bloody, oh, it will be bloody—I am taking this moment to enjoy one last brief, fleeting moment of Love, Actually solidarity. No matter your feelings on the movie itself, even the most diehard Love, Actually supporter (WRONG) must admit: The clothes fucking suck.

Love, Actually came out in 2003. Of course they do.

Oh ho ho did I troll you with the Colin Firth header? No. His plotline is slightly (sliiiiightly) swoon-inducing, for all it makes no fucking sense. But that turtleneck sweater? It gots. To go.

I know that London is cold in the winter, but for fuck’s sake, every scene in Love, Actually has at least one person wearing a grotesque, misshapen turtleneck. (Yes, every scene. Yes, I checked. No, don’t question it. This turtleneck Mia wears is OK.)

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Bottom left? That’s what Keira Knightley wears as she’s leaving her wedding reception. It’s a BRIDAL TURTLENECK. I’m pretty sure babies in the Love, Actually universe—and yes, that universe is different from our own, in which a marriage between two people who have literally never had a real conversation would absolutely not last, ahhhh fuck I was supposed to keep this one friendly for the Love, Actually fans, sorry—come out of the wombs wearing turtlenecks. Their mothers are displeased.

What’s this?

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ILLUMINATI.

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The early 2000s were fucking painful, sartorially. We already went through the ’80s fashion revival, and now we’re choker-wearing neck-deep in the ’90s. Before you know it The Youths will be rocking early Hot Topic scene wear and 2003 bullshit like this:

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Mia attempted to seduce Alan Rickman away from his wife and children, and yet wearing this skirt is her most egregious crime.

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I know Laura Linney is supposed to be a bit of a frump (girl, are you wearing a beanie to a wedding?), but this. This is terrible. And this is her good dress. This is the dress that caught Hot Karl’s boner!

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In case you can’t make it out clearly, there is a woman in the background with two buns secured by neon-pink scrunchies, like Princess Leia downed some E and went on a shopping spree at Claire’s.

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I bet she and the green sequins guy get along great.

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Don’t think just because you’re an extra I don’t see that coat.

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~*~Hats in the early 2000s were a hot mess~*~ (Anyone who watched Buffy is having early-season Willow flashbacks right now.)

Absolutely everything that’s happening here is atrocious.

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Chiwetel Ejiofor is barely in this movie (sin 1), and when he is, he has to wear this shit (sin 2).

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