Location:Home > news > Sales Jokes, Advertising Jokes. It's All Funny Business

Sales Jokes, Advertising Jokes. It's All Funny Business

Time:2017-10-10 19:26Shoes websites Click:

selling funny sales jokes salesman sales person funny advertising jokes

Funny Sales Jokes
Funny Advertising Jokes
It's All Funny Business When Sam Is On the Job
Sales talk is a secret language, especially when it comes to technology. But we've got the lowdown on advertising talk and sales buzz words. It's all NewSpeak. Here's a translation.

NEW PRODUCT
Translation...Different color from previous design.

ALL NEW DESIGN
Translation...Parts not interchangable with previous design.

EXCLUSIVE
Translation...Imported product.

UNMATCHED
Translation...Almost as good as the competition.

DESIGN SIMPLICITY
Translation...Manufacturer's cost were cut to the bone.

FOOLPROOF OPERATION
Translation...No provision for adjustments.

ADVANCED DESIGN
Translation...The advertising agency doesn't understand it.

IT'S HERE AT LAST!
Translation...Rush job! Nobody knew it was coming.

BREAKTHROUGH PRODUCT
Translation...We finally figured out a way to sell it.

HIGH ACCURACY
Translation...Unit on which all parts fit.

DIRECT SALES ONLY
Translation...Factory had big argument with distributor.

REVOLUTIONARY
Translation...It's different from our competitiors.

FIELD-TESTED
Translation...Manufacturer lacks test equipment.

YEARS OF DEVELOPMENT
Translation...We finally got one that works.

GREATLY IMPROVED
Translation...Didn't work the first time.

FUTURISTIC
Translation...No other reason why it looks the way it does.

DISTINCTIVE
Translation...A different shape and color than the others.

RE-DESIGNED
Translation...Previous faults corrected, we hope.

HANDCRAFTED
Translation...Assembly machines operated without gloves on.

PERFORMANCE PROVEN
Translation...Will operate through the warranty period.

MEETS ALL STANDARDS
Translation...Ours, not yours.

BROADCAST QUALITY
Translation...Gives a picture and produces noise.

HIGH RELIABILITY
Translation...We made it work long enough to ship it.

SMPTE BUS COMPATIBLE
Translation...When completed, will be shipped by Greyhound.

NEW GENERATION
Translation...Old design failed, maybe this one will work.

MILITARY SPEC COMPONENTS
Translation...We got a good deal at a government auction..

CUSTOMER SERVICE ACROSS THE COUNTRY
Translation...You can return it from most airports.

UNPRECEDENTED PERFORMANCE
Translation...Nothing we ever had before worked this way.

BUILT TO PRECISION TOLERANCES
Translation...We finally got it to fit together.

MICROPROCESSOR CONTROLLED
Translation...Does things we can't explain.

LATEST AEROSPACE TECHNOLOGY
Translation...One of our techs was laid off by Boeing.

----
How many salespeople does it take to change a light bulb?
None. "You don't need a new light bulb - you need to upgrade your socket to the newest version."

How many salespeople does it take to change a light bulb?
Just one, but it'll take technical support weeks to sort out the mess left behind.

How many salespeople does it take to change a light bulb?
Four. One to change the bulb and three to pull the chair out from under him. How to Sell Insurance Boudreaux's first military assignment was to a military induction center, and, because he was a good talker, they assigned him the duty of advising new recruits about the government benefits, especially the GI insurance.
Before long the Captain in charge of the induction center began noticing that Boudreaux was getting a 99% sign up for the top GI insurance.
This was odd,--it would cost these poor inductees nearly $30.00 per month more for their higher coverage.
The Captain decided that he would not ask Boudreaux about his selling techniques but would sit in the back of the room and observe Boudreaux's sales pitch.
Boudreaux stood up before his latest group of inductees and stated, "If you have da normal GI insurance and go to Iraq and get killed,the government pays your beneficiary $6,000.
If you take out da supplemental GI insurance (which cost you only $30.00 a month), the government has to pay your beneficiary $200,000."
"NOW," Boudreaux concluded, "which bunch do you think dey gonna send to Iraq first? How to Sell Shoes A man walks into a shoe store, and tries on a pair of shoes. "How do they feel?" asks the sales clerk.
Well they feel a bit tight," replies the man.
The assistant promptly bends down and has a look at the shoes and at the man's feet. "Try pulling the tongue out," the clerk says.
"Well, theyth sthill feelth a bith tighth." How to Sell a Cat A famous art collector is walking through the city when he notices a mangy cat lapping milk from a saucer in the doorway of a store and he does a double take.
He notices that the saucer is extremely old and very valuable, so he walks casually into the store and offers to buy the cat for two dollars.
The store owner replies, "I'm sorry, but the cat isn't for sale.
The collector says, "Please, I need a hungry cat around the house to catch mice. I'll pay you twenty dollars for that cat."
And the owner says "Sold," and hands over the cat.
The collector continues, "Hey, for the twenty bucks I wonder if you could throw in that old saucer. The cat's used to it and it'll save me from having to get a dish.".
And the owner says, "Sorry buddy, but that's my lucky saucer. So far this week I've sold sixty-eight cats." How to Sell a Fish A customer at Green's Gourmet Grocery marveled at the proprietor's quick wit and intelligence. "Tell me, Green, what makes you so smart?"
"I wouldn't share my secret with just anyone," Green replies, lowering his voice so the other shoppers won't hear. "But since you're a good and faithful customer, I'll let you in on it... Fish heads... You eat enough of them, you'll be positively brilliant."
"You sell them here?" the customer asks.
"Only $4 apiece," says Green. So the customer buys three.
A week later, he's back in the store complaining that the fish heads were disgusting and he isn't any smarter.
"You didn't eat enough, " says Green. The customer goes home with 20 more fish heads.
Two weeks later, he's back and this time he's really angry. "Hey, Green," he says, "You're selling me fish heads for $4 a piece when I can buy the whole fish for $2. You're ripping me off!"
"You see?" says Green. "You're smarter already." You Might Be a Redneck Sales Person If..... You Might Be a Redneck Sales Person if ...

The name of your dog is Commission.

Your hero is your uncle, an infomercial spokesman.

You have the company logo tattooed on your forearm.

You neighbors avoid you on the sidewalk.

You pester your minister for referrals.

You send product coupons with your Christmas cards.

You don't feel right swimming without your cell phone.

Hanging out at the convenience store waiting for lottery winners is considered prospecting.

Jehovah witnesses close their drapes when they spot you.

Your spouse will only introduce friends to you by their first name.

You drop a business card in the church collection plate.

You mix up the travel briefcase with your bigger briefcase of customer brochures.

Your car lease has higher payments than your home.

You buy deodorant and indigestion tablets by the caseload.

The Neighborhood Watch Committee has you on its list.

Your local gas station gives you free breathe mints with every gas tank fill-up.

You car always has two extra spare tires.

You purchase pens in bulk, every week.

You go to the cemetery to get your prospects elegant flower gifts.

Your kid's allowance is based on commissions earned.

The church has banned you from receiving their membership address directory.

The Chamber of Commerce will blacklist you if you introduce yourself.

Pigeons have made your car their favorite neighborhood target.

You car has radar for spotting bikes, baby carriages, and kids' toys.

Copyright infringement? Click Here!